The Waiting Game {TTC after an Ectopic Pregnancy}
Jenny is a 30 something wife, mother, avid weight lifter, and has a love/hate relationship with running that keeps her coming back for more. She works full time in the investment industry and in her spare time writes about her wellness journey and life’s musings at www.thewellnessjourneyblog.com. Read Jenny’s perspective on TTC after an ectopic pregnancy.
I should start this story from the beginning. I will do my best to give you the Reader’s Digest version, I promise.
Back in April, my now-husband and I decided we’d like to start trying for a baby. With me being 35, and he being 38, we thought it may take us a while to conceive. We always said we were going to wait to try until we were married, but since we were getting married on May 18th anyway, we figured now was as good a time as any.
We were absolutely shocked and excited when we discovered we had conceived on the first try! After my husband was done congratulating himself on his baby-making abilities, quoting Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway – “Look at what I have created!!!” we started to formulate a plan to share it with the family.
We decided we would let our 10 year old daughter know on Mother’s day, and we would announce it to our family in a toast at the wedding. By that time I would be about 8 weeks along, and that’s close enough to the end of the first trimester, right?
I Had Done Everything “Right”…………
We all hear that age 35 is the “magic number” for women. At that point it’s harder to conceive, you’re considered high risk, etc.
Knowing full well that we wanted to have more children, I made sure to take good care of myself. I’ve been an avid weight lifter for the past 20 years. I’ve run 4 half-marathons, 3 10-mile runs, several 10K runs, and countless 5K’s.
I eat plenty of fruits, veggies, and lean protein, and I’ve been taking a pre-natal vitamin for almost a year at this point.
Perhaps I’d Gotten a Tad Too Cocky……………
I was so excited when I found out we were pregnant! I wanted to tell the world. And for ages I’d been eyeing up the cute shirts on the For Two Fitness website, and couldn’t wait to start sporting my baby bump in one of their shirts! I pretty much want one in every style and color. I immediately applied to be an ambassador. (I was – and still am – ecstatic to find out I was accepted!!)
I also told a handful of our friends and family, without telling too many so as not to ruin our surprise toast on our wedding day.
Wasn’t Meant to Be—This Time…………….
The cards were not in our favor at this point in time. On Mother’s Day, I started experiencing lower back pain and spotting. I tried to remain positive because I wasn’t cramping, but as the day wore on, I knew the outlook was bleak. I tried to take it easy, but the spotting got worse. I went the following day for my prenatal appointment, and during the ultrasound was delivered quite a blow. We had now joined the ranks of the 64,000 people every year who have a pregnancy end up being ectopic.
I was told to get myself to the hospital immediately for laparoscopic surgery. As it turns out, I would lose my fallopian tube. This was 6 days before our wedding.
Too Busy to Mourn the Loss……………
I was discharged from the hospital Tuesday with 5 days left to get our house ready for our reception to be held there. I was told to take it easy, but at this point that wasn’t an option. I had to just keep swimming. It wasn’t until Thursday evening when I sat down for the evening that everything started to hit me.
I went from monitoring how much coffee I had in a day, refraining from alcohol, being even more conscientious of making sure I got enough fruits and vegetables……………… to nothing. I want a second cup of coffee? Go for it! That toast at the wedding? No need for mocktails now! Just. Like. That.
And what happened to the baby? Where did it end up? Was he or she in some biohazard bag somewhere now?
It hit me all at once. And I just cried and cried. Alfie was wonderful through the whole thing. I’m sure the sadness of the loss will stick with me for a lifetime.
Fast Forward to Today………….
It’s been a month since my surgery. Our wedding was beautiful and went off without a hitch. We’re slowly getting settled in to our new home. And I’ve had my follow up appointment to my surgery.
And so the wait begins. We were told to wait 1-2 cycles before we start to try again. (One sounds good in my book!)
But there’s so much up in the air! And so many questions. When will I get my period back? Will it be normal? Will I be regular? Will I be able to tell when I’m ovulating? How long will it take to conceive now?
And then there’s the fear. What if it happens again? I only have one tube left! What if it happens again and they have to take the last one I have? Then what? What if we try and try and aren’t able to conceive on our own? What’s our next step?
Friends, I’ve never done well with the unknown. I’ve always had a plan. So the up in the air aspect and the waiting are something very new to me. And then I think about those beautiful couples who go through years of trying to conceive, and I feel bad for complaining. I need to keep things in perspective.
I hope that you will join me on this journey. I hope that I’ll soon be able to report some good news and that after that I’ll be sporting a super cute “Sweating for Two” tank.
Until then, we’ll continue to eat clean, train dirty, and love our bodies so our bodies will love us back!
To be continued………….
xoxo,
Jenny
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